Hello.........

Sorry I've been a little preoccupied.

There’s no surprise that my last post was published on 1st July, because on 7th July something happened which rocked my world and which, along with some mental health issues, has taken a time to settle. Nothing bad, I hasten to add, and honestly nothing that deep in my core I didn’t know, but something which has changed dynamics and which has kept my active mind from engaging with this site, as I didn’t want it to take over, or become about anything other than gardens, social and land justice, food growing and gardening. And for anyone following me on social media this is likely not news.

On 7th July we, my adult child and I, went to Bristol Pride. I realise now, looking back, that asking me to join them at Pride likely meant there was an announcement to come, and indeed it came. My child, at 30, told me that they were transgender and would be changing their identity to begin to live their authentic life as a man. Was I shocked? No. Has it taken a huge adjustment? Yes.

But most of all we have been able to bear witness to the flourishing of a human being who is no longer crippled with self loathing, living in a body that doesn’t belong and in a society where expectations are the polar opposite of comfortable. To see that pain dissolve, as a parent, is nothing but a huge relief and as a parent it is now my role to advocate for his authentic self, whatever our patriarchal system demands. That release has seen his creative mind go into overdrive, with craft and building projects allowing him to discover his own mind and give him confidence to find joy in projects where he is learning and experimenting and finding out about himself as he works. From building fences, building spaces and making gifts and presents, the creative self we knew as a young child is back. He’s applied for an allotment, he’s supporting me at Edible Bristol, he’s noticing nature and not being afraid to be the person he wants to be, and has hidden for so long, masking himself and building up barriers that have suddenly fallen away.

Of course there are challenges. The medical part of transitioning is hard, if only being able to be seen, and we are fortunate to have a great GP on his side who has enabled transition and fought for him to be able to move forwards. The change of dynamics within our household has not been easy but we work as a team here at Venn Towers, so good communication and clear asks are something that we are continually working on. Not slipping up and using the wrong pronouns has been a difficult journey and whilst we are getting there we are all, even occasionally him, slipping up from time to time.

I could go on, but I won’t. What I will say is that whilst 95% of people on social media have been unbelievably supportive, the politicising of transgender people over the last few years has been horrific and the Prime Minister’s remarks along with those of other ministers, and even the Labour leader, has made lives not just hard but actually endangered them. The trans community is tiny, 0.5% according to the 2021 census which is approximately quarter of a million people, in a population of nearly 70 million. So I have not been surprised by the TERFS and gender critical people who have appeared in my various inboxes. What I am horrified by is the knowledge that most of these people see their views as “theoretical” and in reality have never met, or tried to meet, anyone who is transgender. It’s the politics of division and fear, and I ask you not to fall for it.

And in the meantime can I introduce my son, Noah.